Now

I’ve lived in my new apartment in my old life for almost a month now. 21 days to be exact. As I settled into my life I realized that I dreaded this. This version of me Im expected to be.

When I left for India I packed 4 pairs of shoes. Which, when you’re traveling, is a lot. It was my all time favourite, worn out All Stars, running shoes and two pairs of slops. I still have all four pairs of shoes. A pair of slops was brought after one pair was stolen on an overnight bus trip from Delhi to Dehradun. My friend hated the bumpy bus trip, but I was too excited to care. It was my first weekend trip away from Dehli.

I survived for 2 years without a stable home. With 4 pairs of shoes. Without a stable job. And it was ok. I was ok. I was happy.

Contrary to what it seemed, I had enough of everything. I had enough money to walk into a private medical clinic in India and Malawi and for a couple of Rands get amazing treatment. Clean, friendly, helpful staff. Oh, and medication included.

While unpacking I hanged my prayer flags in my kitchen/ dining room. It was the only thing on my wish list to buy in Nepal. I didn’t go into Nepal with a list. Accommodation yes, but no expectation, no reason – just curiosity. But it gave me the world: it gave me friendly school girls who offered random conversation, bus trips through hills of greenery, little towns with mud huts and cows walking down the street and hours spend on the lake in Pokhora, getting sunburned.

I’m not sure what I hoped I would find.

What life would entail this time around.

Im not sure if I thought that I would settle back into it.

But I made the choice.

I did the ‘right’ thing.

And now I don’t know why.

What social media and markets have in common?

I spend my Sunday browsing through Sarojini market. My only day off.  A much cherished day of my week and a little bit of time for just me. Nobody else.  But I spend my Sunday browsing the market because two friends wanted to shop. And I like them, so I spend time with them.

Sarojini is amazing, stalls seemingly around every corner.  Enough ice cream for the masses – and yes, the masses loves ice cream in this heat. Great bargains and weird people, so overall, definitely a good bet. 

However, Sarojini comes with the best part of the delhi population on a Sunday.  Enough people to make any reasonable person doubt whether there will be anything left to buy.  Whether you’re looking for underwear, saree’s, shoes, clothing or accessories – you’ll find it.  Chances of them running out of stock – slim. 

The afternoon sun baked on my arms as we walked in.  A pretty hot 38 degrees on this sunny summer’s day.  But if you can carry a 20kg backpack, haggle for your late night ride home and eat food whose name you can’t pronounce- you can survive the market. Right?!

We work our way through the aisles of the market. Up and down.  Push, chat, no, please leave now, you want to look at that?  A couple of hrs later, the heat had gotten the best of us and we walked into a shoe store, because they had air-con.  Yes, we did that. Completely unashamed.

Hours later, I had brought starry scarfes, bangles and a beautiful leather bag.  Serious strategies were followed to get the bag: haggle, walk away, return, not looking happy, budgeting – we did all of it.  The smell of the bag, now makes the effort completely worth it.

Hot, tired, over it and completely happy we sank into a booth at a restaurant much later.  They shopped: gifts, scarfs, more leather bags, shirts and loads of water. 

Our conclusion – amazing day, but its emotionally exhausting pushing through the crowd to see everything, keeping track of team members (yes – otherwise they disappear!), haggling your way to a decent price and pushing off all of the unwanted sunglasses/ watches/ belts that gets pushed into your face.

Much like social media…

You have to engage with others to have the returned effect on your blog/ wall/ photo… Whatever.  When it was only facebook, it was easier.  Now you have to maintain your own profile, one for friends and one for business networking, one for photos, one for words, one for the man on the moon. 

It becomes work to seem interesting, knowledgeable and (somehow) still yourself – although a better version on all of these platforms.  Its an art of knowing when to tag, vent, keep quiet.  Share, relate, perform, be, produce.   

How come we have to spend so much energy being likeable on a platform? And since whatever you say/ do on any of these platforms will be there forever – forgetting someone, nope.  Not that easy either.