Reason why not to

My heart broke as I read the message. Like the 17 000 times before that, when I got disappointing news from him. Our plans cancelled. Or he forgot. Or, whatever.

He let me down so many times I forgot half of them, but I know the all too familiar feeling of being let down. Again.  By someone who was a close friend. It seemed he always found better things to do than to spend time with me.  Like getting a hair implant.

Today, after two months of deciding to wipe him from my phone, my networks, my social media and hopefully in time, from my mind, he sends me a message.  “Please can we be friends again?? Please??”

I had to catch my breath as the tears ran over my cheeks. I loved this man - at least that was past tense. Loved.  I knew that I love him 6 months after we met, but instead of getting serious he told me we should break up. Im not the right religion or the right skin colour it seems.

Now it looks like the decision to be friends did more harm than good.

I want to forgive, forget and move on because I don’t want enemies. But today, I don’t want to.  I don’t believe him anymore. I don’t believe in him anymore and I don’t want to hurt anymore. 

I guess this time it’s as simple as don’t want to anymore.