Tired

I’m normally the one that bargains on the glass being half full. The one that sees the positive. The one that tries to support people.

But, I’m tired.

I’m tired of being the nice one, because people take advantage of my nice-ness. I’m tired of being supportive, because when my heart is breaking I’m alone. I’m tired of being helpful, because people’s favourite response when I ask for help seems to be ‘I don’t know’ with the all too well known shoulder shrug.  I’m tired of being easygoing, because it means people do not take my feelings or views into consideration. I’m tired of expecting people to be nice, when all they do is talk behind my back. I’m tired of being considerate: because people steal from me and have zero regard for me.

Most of all, I’m tired of giving people chances, because...
Because I can.

Small blessings

I had a particularly bad Monday. But then again, Mondays are a bit strange – it’s that day with a bad reputation, early meetings, traffic jams. Or is it just us, making it up to be all that bad?

Mine was bad though. I had a page in one of the newspaper layouts gone wrong – not by human error – by some IT bug, I guess. It had to be redone. A few mistakes needed to be fixed for a page later this week. A sub needed my attention to explain something. And none of that is on the to-do list. It was before 9am. I walked into the boardroom to catch my breath. 

On Tuesday, after soothing myself on Monday night with a glass of wine, I had a better day. Through the two deadlines before 12, and the sitting behind my computer to go over a piece before submitting it, I ate lunch.

On my way home, I was much calmer. I like driving, listening to the radio and singing along. Not getting stuck in traffic, but a little driving and a little looking at the sky goes a long way to calm me down, especially after a rough day.

Trees. That’s one thing I still like about my city – the streets lined with trees. The winding roads with the sun shining through the branches and the bits of blue sky somewhere in-between.

And so my drive home becomes my sanity, because I get to see blue skies, age old trees and sing along to the top of my lungs. Because I can.

Weird things happen when…

Sometime ago there was a social media trend: ‘That moment when…’. I must admit, even though I never shared a post that started with those words – I found myself laughing when I’d speak to myself while being stuck in traffic & the sentence started with ‘that moment when…’

A couple of months ago a great Art director called me. 24hrs later I had said yes, was on my way to a lovely coastal city and had a bit of a jump in my step. I was working in Art department. 

Weird things happen when you work in Art department…

I’ve never had a pretty notebook. In my mind, notebooks are practical: mine has always been those plain schoolbook types. All of a sudden I have a green, ring binder notebook with beautiful antique clocks on the cover.

The word 'porn' gets a new definition.  Not the image you just thought of. I promise. Porn is that moment when a plan comes to life, when a reference is now touchable and when after rigging, moving, painting & building for days a set comes to life: its bigger than the TV screen and you walk around it looking at the bits sourced with great care, making part of a whole.

The crew discussions centre on shoes. Yes – shoes, not celebrities or music. Merrell, Solomons or New Balance are reckoned to be the best, but each to its own. Standing, running, moving, rigging, climbing for long hours everyday: comfortable shoes are a must & developing a weakness for casual shoes: entirely possible!

Suddenly, budgets aren’t measured in camera’s per days, but in building material, screws, cement, nail guns, pop-rivets. Its harder to stay in a line item, because leftover pieces of wood and perspex are used in games that did not pay for it. Stuff breaks, designs are improved, briefs change and so… well, the budget becomes set pieces. The upside of it is – trying to explain to the Accountant where the money went: priceless, because he smiles, because its beautifully crafted pieces, logo’s and sets.

It turns out, its all about the high-visible vest: its like a superpower. A can do. A moment of dirtyness, turned prettiness.